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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Death Becomes Her

Throughout my life, the only constant was my grandmother, Delia. Bravely, she took on the role of guardian and caregiver while my mother finished Officer Training School and other responsibilities, thousands of miles away from me. Fort Huachuca had been proven to not be the best place to raise a child, and after a few […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

My First Christmas Without Her

No birthday calls. No running through the airport to meet her at the wrong terminal. No cutesy messages on WhatsApp or Facebook IM… Zero. Nada. Nothing. Only the love remains surrounded by an eerie silence. The void, a great abyss in my soul, that darkens and deepens, obliterating any encounter with a resemblance of joy. […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

“Hi! I’m a Recovering Army Brat”

The day I turned 23 my military ID expired. In a few months I’d be put of college and off to work full time for a big aerospace and defense contractor thus my mother decided to not renew my credentials. Adapting to life as a civilian, as an outsider, was challenging. As the daughter of […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

My First Motherless Birthday

In a few days I will be celebrating my first birthday without my mother. I’ve been thinking about this day for a few months now, mentally preparing to not expect her call, texts or IMs as the night and day of my birth date progresses. It’s a hard pill to swallow. There won’t be any […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Complicated Bereavement

Disclaimer: Although my though process post my mother’s death has been understandably debilitating, I have not been diagnosed as having a complicated bereavement. If you are looking for information about clinical treatments for this disorder to help someone you know check out The Center for Complicated Grief website. There are many dimensions to grief, many […]

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Mrs Enginerd Project Zach

500 Followers!!!

Woop woop! Can you believe it? In less than a few months I have made over 670 friends on IG. 😱 This is an amazing feat for this very shy, bossy and introverted INTJ. Thank y’all for your support, love and attention. Dealing with my grandma’s brain cancer diagnosis, care and departure was ruff on […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

F@%k Cancer: Part 12

Resilient. Strong. Brave. These are a few adjectives thrown my way these past four weeks. My mother’s death left a trail of bills and paperwork that had to be addressed as quickly as possible to ensure we didn’t drop the ball and lost valuable assets to non payment or other technicalities. I’ve become all these […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

F@%k Cancer: Part 11

I don’t think people get it… I am the person responsible for everything that happened. Me. I was the reason my mother had a plan for everything just to ensure my mental and physical safety. Every decision she ever made was for me, later for us, since the whole point of giving me a sister […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

F@%k Cancer, Part 10

“SHE IS THE VETERAN!” My uncle, his wife, my sister and I all yell in frantic unison. The Funeral Home’s sales rep mentally facepalms himself. After jotting down her info for over 20 minutes he had conveniently forgotten we had opened the exchange stating she was ex-military. Deliberately, my sister slowly slides over the Colonel’s […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

F@%k Cancer, Part 9

“It’s a matter of days now…” Calmly, I booked the next flight out and took my time packing. If the message was accurate, I’d need to take with me clothes fit for a military funeral. The saving grace was that my husband was staying behind and could bring me anything I’d miss; Mom wanted him […]