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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Sifting Through The Past

Photographs. Papers. Triplicate copies of 214 Forms. Certificates. Divorce decrees. Typewritten letters of commendations and gratitude. Notes on the margins of decade old bills. The contents of the last box of heirlooms lays on the carpet floor waited to be collated, recycled, edited. The mission was a success. None of these papers and mementos tug […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd Project Zach

The Bestest Boy

We drive up to the tiny cottage house, solemn, quiet, amidst a pale soft ray of full moon light. The glow turned everything gray, with small whisps of black and white here and there. The small open front door cast a bright warm inviting luminescence that made one forget about the cold crisp summer air. […]

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Adulting Etiquette F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

10 Things You Should Never Say or Do to a Terminally Ill Cancer Warrior and Their Family

Not sure what to say or do to a family battling cancer or any terminal illness? Look no further! After dealing with canned responses during my mom’s convalescence and funeral, I decided to put together a list of do’s and don’ts. It is our family’s hope that sharing these faux pas will avoid others pain, […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Death Becomes Her

Throughout my life, the only constant was my grandmother, Delia. Bravely, she took on the role of guardian and caregiver while my mother finished Officer Training School and other responsibilities, thousands of miles away from me. Fort Huachuca had been proven to not be the best place to raise a child, and after a few […]

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Mrs Enginerd Poetry

Not all is lost

Anger,Fear,Anxiety,RageThe crushing blow of a reality without you makes me weak,dull,mad,violent. I crawl into a ball gripping tightly to memories that still remain,Wishing I was in your arms, peacefully unaware of the lifetime I will endure without you. Who will build me up when others tear me down?Who will love me unconditionally, without hesitation?Who will […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Phone/Text/IM or Visit a Friend

Ever wonder why people keep throwing parties and inviting you, even when you RSVP and don’t show up? When you are doing a really good ghosting job but they don’t take the hint? Let me shed some light on their persistence: People are social creatures. We need the warmth of human touch. Intimacy. Compassion. Comfort. […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

The Ranch in Montana

For a couple of weeks now I have been listening to very fervent and passionate retirement plan discussions. Half of my teammates will be eligible to pull the rip chord in the next six months to two years. They are all already in countdown mode or STD – short timer’s disease – since they can’t […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd Wrestling Infertility

Tips To Manage Bereavement

Funeral arrangements, forms, tax returns, and other important documents are a hassle to wrangle, especially if you are far removed from the day to day operations of your loved ones. When my mother passed away she had spared us the ordeal of sorting it out on our own. However, the meticulous planning of an Army […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Grief Doesn’t Have an Expiration Date

My husband thinks about what he just said unapologetically: “How long are you going to use your mother’s death as an excuse?” Excuse… He thinks my grief is an invention, a concocted rouse to make his life difficult. HIS LIFE. As if losing my mother was an event I could get over at the push […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

My First Motherless Birthday

In a few days I will be celebrating my first birthday without my mother. I’ve been thinking about this day for a few months now, mentally preparing to not expect her call, texts or IMs as the night and day of my birth date progresses. It’s a hard pill to swallow. There won’t be any […]