The Ranch in Montana

For a couple of weeks now I have been listening to very fervent and passionate retirement plan discussions. Half of my teammates will be eligible to pull the rip chord in the next six months to two years. They are all already in countdown mode or STD - short timer's disease - since they can't... Continue Reading →

My First Motherless Birthday

In a few days I will be celebrating my first birthday without my mother. I've been thinking about this day for a few months now, mentally preparing to not expect her call, texts or IMs as the night and day of my birth date progresses. It's a hard pill to swallow. There won't be any... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer: Part 12

Resilient. Strong. Brave. These are a few adjectives thrown my way these past four weeks. My mother's death left a trail of bills and paperwork that had to be addressed as quickly as possible to ensure we didn't drop the ball and lost valuable assets to non payment or other technicalities. I've become all these... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer: Part 11

I don't think people get it... I am the person responsible for everything that happened. Me. I was the reason my mother had a plan for everything just to ensure my mental and physical safety. Every decision she ever made was for me, later for us, since the whole point of giving me a sister... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 10

"SHE IS THE VETERAN!" My uncle, his wife, my sister and I all yell in unison. The Funeral Home's sales representative has been taking down her info for 20 minutes and conveniently forgot what we had said. Every answer to the previous questions revealed aspects of my mother's life that had been private and fuzzy... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 9

"It's a matter of days now..." Calmly, I booked the next flight out and took my time packing. If the message was accurate, I'd need to take with me clothes fit for a military funeral. The saving grace was that my husband was staying behind and could bring me anything I'd miss; Mom wanted him... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 8

Mom had barely made it to Christmas but my grandmother hadn't. Oh boy! My phone was blown up with messages of worry and urgency. The timing was brilliant and convenient, bare with me, assuming you believe grandma knew of the cancer and opted to avoid burying her firstborn. Between flight prices and obligations I decided... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 5

I need time to stop. For the seconds to slowly trickle and the minutes to last a lifetime. I'm not ready to see days turn into nights, to be closer yet farther away... Was this it? The last time I would see her? I found myself on an red eye flight to MSP,  connecting through... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 4

She's not herself anymore and this time, she is not bouncing back. Watching the situation from afar is dumbfounding, and I can't even imagine how my family must be feeling dealing with mom directly. Six weeks ago she was talking, walking and making plans to conquer the world. Today, she sits in a hospital bed... Continue Reading →

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