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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Death Becomes Her

Throughout my life, the only constant was my grandmother, Delia. Bravely, she took on the role of guardian and caregiver while my mother finished Officer Training School and other responsibilities, thousands of miles away from me. Fort Huachuca had been proven to not be the best place to raise a child, and after a few […]

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Mrs Enginerd Poetry

Not all is lost

Anger,Fear,Anxiety,RageThe crushing blow of a reality without you makes me weak,dull,mad,violent. I crawl into a ball gripping tightly to memories that still remain,Wishing I was in your arms, peacefully unaware of the lifetime I will endure without you. Who will build me up when others tear me down?Who will love me unconditionally, without hesitation?Who will […]

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Adulting Mrs Enginerd

“Where was I going with this?”

Writing is hard. Writing a blog about DIYs, life, love and the pursuits of nerds is even harder. The passion for storytell is rapidly diluted by the hardships of being a female engineer – married, motherless, and with no children – a unicorn in the world of geeks and STEM. My need to share my […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd Poetry

Lost

ANGER. A flury of snow. The fury of a thousand calls and text that will never be sent or seen; The deep ire of learning to live an unchampioned life. The realization that the rotting flesh led to unresolved issues and excess emotional baggage because we couldn’t properly say goodbye. There you lie, Beyond the […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

My First Christmas Without Her

No birthday calls. No running through the airport to meet her at the wrong terminal. No cutesy messages on WhatsApp or Facebook IM… Zero. Nada. Nothing. Only the love remains surrounded by an eerie silence. The void, a great abyss in my soul, that darkens and deepens, obliterating any encounter with a resemblance of joy. […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Please and Thank You

This Thanksgiving Day, my first without my mother, I’m taking a moment to address all those who made our life bearable as we witnessed her memories drift away as she gracefully accepted her fate due to Stage IV brain cancer. Read on… According to my Titi (auntie), my mother didn’t hesitate to ordered people around […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

The Ranch in Montana

For a couple of weeks now I have been listening to very fervent and passionate retirement plan discussions. Half of my teammates will be eligible to pull the rip chord in the next six months to two years. They are all already in countdown mode or STD – short timer’s disease – since they can’t […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd Wrestling Infertility

Tips To Manage Bereavement

Funeral arrangements, forms, tax returns, and other important documents are a hassle to wrangle, especially if you are far removed from the day to day operations of your loved ones. When my mother passed away she had spared us the ordeal of sorting it out on our own. However, the meticulous planning of an Army […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

“Hi! I’m a Recovering Army Brat”

The day I turned 23 my military ID expired. In a few months I’d be put of college and off to work full time for a big aerospace and defense contractor thus my mother decided to not renew my credentials. Adapting to life as a civilian, as an outsider, was challenging. As the daughter of […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Grief Doesn’t Have an Expiration Date

My husband thinks about what he just said unapologetically: “How long are you going to use your mother’s death as an excuse?” Excuse… He thinks my grief is an invention, a concocted rouse to make his life difficult. HIS LIFE. As if losing my mother was an event I could get over at the push […]