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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Death Becomes Her

Throughout my life, the only constant was my grandmother, Delia. Bravely, she took on the role of guardian and caregiver while my mother finished Officer Training School and other responsibilities, thousands of miles away from me. Fort Huachuca had been proven to not be the best place to raise a child, and after a few […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd Poetry

Lost

ANGER. A flury of snow. The fury of a thousand calls and text that will never be sent or seen; The deep ire of learning to live an unchampioned life. The realization that the rotting flesh led to unresolved issues and excess emotional baggage because we couldn’t properly say goodbye. There you lie, Beyond the […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Layoff Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd Poetry Project Zach

About MrsEnginerd

When I started writing under the Mrsenginerd pseudonym I was in the middle of a career shift. My employer had done a reduction in workforce exercise that had left me jobless a month after my 10th anniversary with the company (The Layoff). As a married woman with no kids, there was a lot of free […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Please and Thank You

This Thanksgiving Day, my first without my mother, I’m taking a moment to address all those who made our life bearable as we witnessed her memories drift away as she gracefully accepted her fate due to Stage IV brain cancer. Read on… According to my Titi (auntie), my mother didn’t hesitate to ordered people around […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

The Ranch in Montana

For a couple of weeks now I have been listening to very fervent and passionate retirement plan discussions. Half of my teammates will be eligible to pull the rip chord in the next six months to two years. They are all already in countdown mode or STD – short timer’s disease – since they can’t […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

“Hi! I’m a Recovering Army Brat”

The day I turned 23 my military ID expired. In a few months I’d be put of college and off to work full time for a big aerospace and defense contractor thus my mother decided to not renew my credentials. Adapting to life as a civilian, as an outsider, was challenging. As the daughter of […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

In the Search of Karma Points

During the last month my family has donated, gifted, sold or tossed items that no longer brought us joy, as Marie Kondo would say, in the hopes that they’d become purposeful again. The poor things had been idle for so long, relegated to the deepest and darkest storage corners that they must have felt neglected. […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Grief Doesn’t Have an Expiration Date

My husband thinks about what he just said unapologetically: “How long are you going to use your mother’s death as an excuse?” Excuse… He thinks my grief is an invention, a concocted rouse to make his life difficult. HIS LIFE. As if losing my mother was an event I could get over at the push […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

F@%k Cancer: Part 13

Putting the estate in order has been an overwhelming undertaking. It’s definitely sucking all the joy out of my life. I’m sure my sister isn’t enjoying it either. We are both mentally exhausted. Banks. Lawyers. Taxes. Insurance claims. Every day there is a new paper to fill, a new insurance adjuster or player to bring […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Complicated Bereavement

Disclaimer: Although my though process post my mother’s death has been understandably debilitating, I have not been diagnosed as having a complicated bereavement. If you are looking for information about clinical treatments for this disorder to help someone you know check out The Center for Complicated Grief website. There are many dimensions to grief, many […]