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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Ambiguous Loss

Flight. Fight. Flee. There are no other choices when confronted with trauma, with a dangerous and life threatening situation. Each occurrence elicits a unique reaction. Each reaction has its own flow of consequences. The difference between living to tell the tale or becoming a cautionary one. However, what happens when the events affect us because […]

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Adulting Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd Weddings

We Lost Dear Friends on New Year’s Day

Five years ago, I released a post about Jesús and Kate’s murder: I Lost a Friend on New Year’s Day. Writing about their life, love and friendship allowed me to pay tribute not only to them but to everyone touched by this tragedy. Words cannot accurately describe the magnitude of our sorrow but it is […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Mom, I still miss you…

It’s been two years without you and I can’t still believe you are gone, trapped between my intangible memories and the great beyond. Two years of wishing and hoping you’d come through the door and yell “surprise, I’m here!”, returning the color to my gray toned existence. An eternity of unwritten texts, calls and conversations […]

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Mrs Enginerd Poetry

The Queen’s Castles, A Poem

Huachuca, Hood, Bragg, Benning, Leavenworth. Fields of snow, grass and desert sands forge the leader inside the wild flower, Caribbean heat fuels the warrior within. Camp Santiago, Allen, Buchanan, Muñiz. A distinguished career for the mother turned Colonel… Memories reside in these unassailable fortresses, The rest buried under speckled granite, Forever a mystery to the […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

The Christmas Card

My S10 Note+ buzzes and shuffles around the kitchen island. Dread creeps in. Someone somewhere needs to reach me, NOW. Ugh! The introvert in me prepares for the worst – my clan and peeps text first, unless it’s an emergency. 😅 What now? 😶 A quick peek at the caller ID shows it’s my dad. […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Sifting Through The Past

Photographs. Papers. Triplicate copies of 214 Forms. Certificates. Divorce decrees. Typewritten letters of commendations and gratitude. Notes on the margins of decade old bills. The contents of the last box of heirlooms lays on the carpet floor waited to be collated, recycled, edited. The mission was a success. None of these papers and mementos tug […]

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Adulting Mrs Enginerd Poetry

FOMO (A Poem)

I check my phone constantly,Wondering,Waiting,Anticipating,Fearing the worst. What if today is the day?The moment the good turns into bad,The unfortunate confluence of experiences that deprives me of you? The TV,A cool breeze,The warmth of a freshly cleaned towel,An unpaired sock.They all remind me of what was,of what could have been,of what was lost to good […]

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Adulting Etiquette F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

10 Things You Should Never Say or Do to a Terminally Ill Cancer Warrior and Their Family

Not sure what to say or do to a family battling cancer or any terminal illness? Look no further! After dealing with canned responses during my mom’s convalescence and funeral, I decided to put together a list of do’s and don’ts. It is our family’s hope that sharing these faux pas will avoid others pain, […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Death Becomes Her

Throughout my life, the only constant was my grandmother, Delia. Bravely, she took on the role of guardian and caregiver while my mother finished Officer Training School and other responsibilities, thousands of miles away from me. Fort Huachuca had been proven to not be the best place to raise a child, and after a few […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd Poetry

Lost

ANGER. A flury of snow. The fury of a thousand calls and text that will never be sent or seen; The deep ire of learning to live an unchampioned life. The realization that the rotting flesh led to unresolved issues and excess emotional baggage because we couldn’t properly say goodbye. There you lie, Beyond the […]