My First Christmas Without Her

No birthday calls. No running through the airport to meet her at the wrong terminal. No cutesy messages on WhatsApp or Facebook IM... Zero. Nada. Nothing. Only the love remains surrounded by an eerie silence. The void, a great abyss in my soul, that darkens and deepens, obliterating any encounter with a resemblance of joy.... Continue Reading →

Please and Thank You

This Thanksgiving Day, my first without my mother, I'm taking a moment to address all those who made our life bearable as we witnessed her memories drift away as she gracefully accepted her fate due to Stage IV brain cancer. Read on... According to my Titi (auntie), my mother didn't hesitate to ordered people around... Continue Reading →

Despedida

Éste es el elogio original que escribí para mi madre, en espera de su partida. Durante el funeral, mi prima leyó las palabras de una de las mejores amigas de mi madre, mi primo y mi tía dejaron sentir su pérdida, y yo cerré la ceremonia con un corto mensaje, embolsillándome toda esta longaniza de... Continue Reading →

Complicated Bereavement

Disclaimer: Although my though process post my mother's death has been understandably debilitating, I have not been diagnosed as having a complicated bereavement. If you are looking for information about clinical treatments for this disorder to help someone you know check out The Center for Complicated Grief website. There are many dimensions to grief, many... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer: Part 12

Resilient. Strong. Brave. These are a few adjectives thrown my way these past four weeks. My mother's death left a trail of bills and paperwork that had to be addressed as quickly as possible to ensure we didn't drop the ball and lost valuable assets to non payment or other technicalities. I've become all these... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer: Part 11

I don't think people get it... I am the person responsible for everything that happened. Me. I was the reason my mother had a plan for everything just to ensure my mental and physical safety. Every decision she ever made was for me, later for us, since the whole point of giving me a sister... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 10

"SHE IS THE VETERAN!" My uncle, his wife, my sister and I all yell in frantic unison. The Funeral Home's sales rep mentally facepalms himself. After jotting down her info for over 20 minutes he had conveniently forgotten we had opened the exchange stating she was ex-military. Deliberately, my sister slowly slides over the Colonel's... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 9

"It's a matter of days now..." Calmly, I booked the next flight out and took my time packing. If the message was accurate, I'd need to take with me clothes fit for a military funeral. The saving grace was that my husband was staying behind and could bring me anything I'd miss; Mom wanted him... Continue Reading →

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