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Adulting F@%k Cancer Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Interrupted

I want the world to stop. To remain as she last saw it. To hover, unchanged, between what was and what could have been. I need back all those minutes with her, To enjoy the booming laughter; The lovely smile that always grew wider and brighter when I entered the room. A part of me […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Ambiguous Loss

Flight. Fight. Flee. There are no other choices when confronted with trauma, with a dangerous and life threatening situation. Each occurrence elicits a unique reaction. Each reaction has its own flow of consequences. The difference between living to tell the tale or becoming a cautionary one. However, what happens when the events affect us because […]

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Adulting Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd Weddings

We Lost Dear Friends on New Year’s Day

Five years ago, I released a post about Jesús and Kate’s murder: I Lost a Friend on New Year’s Day. Writing about their life, love and friendship allowed me to pay tribute not only to them but to everyone touched by this tragedy. Words cannot accurately describe the magnitude of our sorrow but it is […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Mom, I still miss you…

It’s been two years without you and I can’t still believe you are gone, trapped between my intangible memories and the great beyond. Two years of wishing and hoping you’d come through the door and yell “surprise, I’m here!”, returning the color to my gray toned existence. An eternity of unwritten texts, calls and conversations […]

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Mrs Enginerd Poetry

The Queen’s Castles, A Poem

Huachuca, Hood, Bragg, Benning, Leavenworth. Fields of snow, grass and desert sands forge the leader inside the wild flower, Caribbean heat fuels the warrior within. Camp Santiago, Allen, Buchanan, Muñiz. A distinguished career for the mother turned Colonel… Memories reside in these unassailable fortresses, The rest buried under speckled granite, Forever a mystery to the […]

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Adulting F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd

Sifting Through The Past

Photographs. Papers. Triplicate copies of 214 Forms. Certificates. Divorce decrees. Typewritten letters of commendations and gratitude. Notes on the margins of decade old bills. The contents of the last box of heirlooms lays on the carpet floor waited to be collated, recycled, edited. The mission was a success. None of these papers and mementos tug […]

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Adulting Mrs Enginerd Poetry

FOMO (A Poem)

I check my phone constantly,Wondering,Waiting,Anticipating,Fearing the worst. What if today is the day?The moment the good turns into bad,The unfortunate confluence of experiences that deprives me of you? The TV,A cool breeze,The warmth of a freshly cleaned towel,An unpaired sock.They all remind me of what was,of what could have been,of what was lost to good […]

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Adulting Mrs Enginerd

The Valedictorian

It’s been over 20 years since I graduated high school. My diploma can legally sit at a bar in any city in the world! 😱 In hindsight, I can’t honestly state that those were the best years of my life. All I know is that they weren’t quite the worst either. 🤷‍♀️ The truth must […]

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Adulting Mrs Enginerd

“Where was I going with this?”

Writing is hard. Writing a blog about DIYs, life, love and the pursuits of nerds is even harder. The passion for storytell is rapidly diluted by the hardships of being a female engineer – married, motherless, and with no children – a unicorn in the world of geeks and STEM. My need to share my […]

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F@%k Cancer Mrs Enginerd Poetry

Lost

ANGER. A flury of snow. The fury of a thousand calls and text that will never be sent or seen; The deep ire of learning to live an unchampioned life. The realization that the rotting flesh led to unresolved issues and excess emotional baggage because we couldn’t properly say goodbye. There you lie, Beyond the […]