F@%k Cancer, Part 7

Can't. Used to. Was. Doesn't. Loved. These are the words I never thought I would use to describe my mother at 63 years of age. So full of life a few months ago and now she is, for the most part, bed ridden and/or lethargic. She can barely speak, eat or drink. This brick house... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 6

There's always a calm before the storm. The tumor's original scan. Isn't it impressive? To think that unevenly shaped - multiform mass had caused all this drama! I can't believe it's already December. Wow! Never in a million years did I think mom would be in hospice care at this age, much less waiting for... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 5

I need time to stop. For the seconds to slowly trickle and the minutes to last a lifetime. I'm not ready to see days turn into nights, to be closer yet farther away... Was this it? The last time I would see her? I found myself on an red eye flight to MSP,  connecting through... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 4

She's not herself anymore and this time, she is not bouncing back. Watching the situation from afar is dumbfounding, and I can't even imagine how my family must be feeling dealing with mom directly. Six weeks ago she was talking, walking and making plans to conquer the world. Today, she sits in a hospital bed... Continue Reading →

My Mom, The Colonel

Picture of my mom in front of an A-10, early 80s, courtesy of her friend Angelo of the CI Rangers. The toughest part of this cancer journey has been seeing my mom slowly deteriorate, an inevitable spiral that has forced me to reflect on who she was, and what she has accomplished. She's a very... Continue Reading →

Lost in Thought (Poem)

Memories. That's all I see around me. The places I used to go. The person I used to be. I wander, as a stranger in my own land, letting each recollection guide me to a better place, To where childhood dreams were full of wonder; a time when everything was possible. Instead, what remains is... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 3

She can't cook. She can't read. She can't drive. When I got back home to the PNW, I realized mom needed some type of neurological rehabilitation routine and we never received confirmation from the doctors that this retraining was available. Weird. It's been two weeks since we left the ICU and there are still no... Continue Reading →

F@%k Cancer, Part 2

"Lilo is coming?" She kept asking me where my sister was as she stalled for time to remember my name. The gorgeous smile that came with that question had a hint of quiet apprehension, because I wasn't supposed to be there and she knew it. My presence wasn't unwelcomed, nevertheless she must have realized something... Continue Reading →

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