One of my close friends, a divorcé himself, posted this Crackle article about cynical views of marriage. What struck me the most about the article was the claim they made that no one was immune to divorce. Very clever! The reality is some couples make it and some don’t because of irreconcilable differences that arise from the stress and strain of being alive. As we mature, we find out that what we want, what we need, what we have and what we expect continuously changes. Asking someone to stay the same is not only rude but illogical.
Out of the 30 weddings I have been formally invited to about 5 couples decided to call it quits. That’s 16.6667 or roughly 17% of the marriages I have witnessed. Although this is way lower than the national average, or the 50% divorce rate that circles around, this means that my friends have managed to stay together despite the odds, but this doesn’t guarantee that the state of affairs won’t change in the future. Not many people enter this commitment fully engaged, prepared or with the right mindset. Very few of us have been around successful betrothals to begin with. What works for them may not work for you. Ask those who married young and are still together and they can’t tell you how to make it last. It’s a true conundrum.
Regardless of what you have been taught, divorce should not be seen as a failure but rather as a learning experience. Yes, some religions frown upon breaking a union that God has blessed because you have to work on it or die trying but to be fair, some things cannot be fixed past certain breaking points. I dare state most humans break their wedding vows daily and may not even recognize it because it is hard to be the perfect partner and everyone and their mother has a different view on cheating, abuse and loyalty. Truth be told you can’t expect your spouse to be your cheerleader and provider 24/7 in perpetuity. Roles change as we evolve, and sometimes we get stuck with layoffs or illnesses that put pressure on the relationship and can kill the passion and romance that was there before. Even 50 year old marriages have had their moments when they contemplated going their separate ways, including my grandparents who split only to get hitched again! You will not know what route your life together will take until death defines it.
Even the most prepared and loving souls have moments of regret and make mistakes. The next time you have a bad moment do your best to focus your energy into what truly matters, figuring out your own definition of a successful union. In the end what matters is that you find your center, your purpose and inspiration to go on living. If your significant other is not working out don’t deprive yourself of future happiness.
Do you boo, and what you desire will follow.