By now, many of my blog followers know my beef with weddings, and with the post The Wedding: Take Two – The Ceremony and The Reception, so this title shouldn’t come as a surprise but, hear me out. With a population that is becoming less religious and that is leaving the nest to shack up long before they get hitched, wedding ceremonies and receptions are a but a mere formality.
More often than not, the bride already left her father’s protection and is out in the world doing her “thang”. She is financially independent, may be cohabitating with her significant other, and has a dwelling of her own. You’d think may only be true for my middle class college graduate friends but it is more common at any social level than before. Wholesome, ultra religious peeps aside, many couples have already tasted the cow’s milk before purchasing it – an euphemism for they have had sex if you ever wondered what the phrase meant.
With steady divorce rates and longer wait time between moving in and getting married, why have a wedding at all? The cost alone could be better spent on a honeymoon or a dow payment on angouse! Also, let’s face it, celebrating your love and success can be a tricky proposition when the locale is miles away from your own homebase and you have to convince friends and family to attend. Doing it on a budget means your big day us now another project for you to manage serving less as a romantic getaway or destination vacation for those guests helping you execute the plan. Why make friends and family go through all this hoopla to see the happy couple get hitched, when they are just as willing to go to the courthouse and celebrate with a nice dinner later that day.
Weddings were intended to be fundraising events. This is why in modern time parents of the bride and groom were expected to sponsor the event, half to prove the worth of the bethroded and half to ensure they started married life as debt free as possible. I recall the good old days when you were presented with keys to a home rather than splurging on a ballroom event. I’d rather have a roof over my head and savings in the bank, which would be a more practical and honorable endeavor than spending 28k on the “big day”.
That last comment reminds me of another good point. The best days of your life are still ahead when you get married. The birth or adoption of children, human or otherwise, or those goals you set between you outside of becoming parents or remaining childless will most likely be waaaay more important than wearing white and walking down the aisle. Call me cynical or a hypocrite but even before doing my own wedding planning and execution I knew it was a bad investment of time, energy and emotion. We are trained to think getting married is a must but we are not educated about the particulars of remaining so without losing ourselves or our desires in the process. It is a very tricky milestone to reach and explain, expectations wise. Once we found out we couldn’t have children the definition of until death do us part hit home; children or no we wouls stay together until the end.
My arguments may not change your mind but I hole that one day, when your kids deside to skip the festivities, you can understand why at some point this tradition will evolve and maybe even disappear. Love doesn’t need to be celebrated, lauded or paraded around in style. It just is, and is very very happy to exist in the hearts of the beloved. Whatever weddings become I hope those entering into its contract and trappings plan to include those they have invited as witnesses beyond that day and into the future. I’m getting tired of paying for the privilege of having others leave us behind after they say I do. That’s another story.