About 6 weeks ago, if not a bit more, I posted that we were moving to a brand new house. Even though time has gone by the construction work has crawled which is understandable since structural inspections and corrections are no easy task. Based on what my realtor has dug up there have been no major issues but we still haven’t gotten the catalogues for the trims, finishes and flooring. From experience I know that all these installations can be done in 3 weeks or less but the uncertainty of whether they will hit the scheduled milestones or not is a lot to process. I’m horrible at the waiting game.
This is why I am very conservative when it comes to risk and goal planning. Every possible outcome is contemplated and I play to the critical chain path constraints. Plans A through Z are established because I hate being caught off guard. For example, our luxury car had a flat tire yesterday that innocuously brought up my anxiety level about the move. Who would have thought about measly tire could make my brain spiral out of control? The trigger was something my husband said: “We don’t have money for a new tire.” Say what? There is always money for an item that enables us to make more money but his plight hinted of a lot more than the nuisance of a flat tire. He is genuinely concerned that we won’t be able to pull all of this off regardless of my mitigation plans. Financially we are a bit strapped for cash until our current house sells. We need the proceeds to reset the board and reposition ourselves economically. Going back to how we felt as new hires has opened up old wounds. He is scared this will ruin us although the situation is not that dire.
Home is where the heart is and in his case, his heart is filled with worry. So much so that he has no room for anything else. It’s weird because I hadn’t noticed how much dread and anxiety he harbors. Usually I’m cool, calm and collected but his mood swings have become contagious. Living with someone for over fifteen years comes with a price: You forget what strengths were yours and what weaknesses you passed on to your partner. I never worried because I saw the light at the end of the tunnel even if it was a train. My husband lies on the tracks instead of figuring how to avoid the pain of being run over. If home is where the heart is my husband lives in a constant state of panic. No wonder he is always trying to escape reality instead of confronting it!
I’m the opposite. I sit down and I strategize turning over every rock and looking into every nook and crany. Drives my husband nuts that my heart lives where the solutions are, so I am always filled with answers and action plans to address all his concerns. Must be annoying to complain to a person that always has a reply or fix for whatever bothers you, especially when it requires that you do something about it. I can’t help it! (Not a bad thing to complain about either, I think he lucked out there.) I like to remove obstacles and create pathways. Wating for things to work out is what kills me and his constant nagging doesn’t allow me to loose the edge. It is hard to find kind words to ask him to back off. Being pestered while I think drives me crazy. Not the side effects I was hoping for when I told him our 10 year plan had this move planned all along. Instead of being happy we reached our goal he freaked out. Now I am freaking out too.
Life, to distract me and keep me engaged, decided that helping my sister look for a job in the middle of all this chaos was a good idea. She came to me with an idea that was to hard to pass up. The timing was perfect! After 10,000 applications filed through Indeed she is starting to get call backs for the types of opportunities she wanted. Gotta love it when things start to work out for the best! I’m definitely more high risk and bold when it comes to helping others because I would never dare be a brave as she is; my strengths lie elsewhere. Fills me with a sense of pride to know I am helping her get to where she wants to be. If only someone could do the same for me I’d be just fine. Ironically my kick ass resume writting skills, which have gotten many a job, haven’t quite well worked the same for me. Wah wah!
To refocus, we planned a weekend away from it all in Walla Walla, WA. Wine tasting with the in laws may help take some of the worry off my shoulders. Yes the timing is not ideal since we won’t be able to show the house but maybe that is exactly what we need for the schedule to work in our favor. There should be no need to rush such a life changing event. Little by little I am starting to make amends with the old adage that things will happen when they must happen, not a moment sooner. It is hard to keep up hope and the pace but I wouldn’t be able to manage any other way. I can’t wait to start rebuilding my concept of home at a new place. You’d be surprised how a change in scenery may facilitate a change of heart and attitude.
Wish us success. I’m going to need all the wisdom and patience I can muster to get this all done. 😉
Mrs. Enginerd - Nerd Whisperer 