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Adulting Etiquette Love and Marriage Mrs Enginerd

Challenging for Challenging’s Sake

Unless you are a teenager testing boundaries to discover your path, or a person on a journey of self discovery in which all the correct answers were revealed to you by the gods themselves, stop challenging others just for kicks. Don’t contest because they don’t fit your mold of what an Anime fan should be or because they are a female in a man’s world; because they chose to defy gender norms or the status quo.

Stop! ¡Para! Detente!

One gets tired of having to prove worth. To justify your preferences, value or justifying existing. It is perfectly okay to not have an opinion about everything, to be ignorant of certain causes or issues. Not everyone will have an informed opinion about every subject matter. Things can be Googled later, internalized through discovery and/or can be kindly explained to broaden perspectives. If you like to aggressively ambush humans to challenge their beliefs, what they are saying or doing, just to prove your point take a step back.

Rage, especially our own, can be idiotically blinding.

Doubting others and assuming what they may or may not know burns more bridges daily than you can build in a lifetime. You can’t expect others to have a perfectly arranged argument for every possible discussion that can surface in a day. Not everyone uses quotes to solidify an opinion or data to convince others of the veracity of the facts. Most of us know studies and articles are biased and have their own hidden agendas; we don’t know which ones are accepted for which proof and those that aren’t. We are all trying to convince each other of relative truths based on incomplete experiences and our ability to empathize. Finding the all encompassing words that do not border on absolutes and fallacies on demand is highly unlikely.

Even the experts are limited in their knowledge. There’s a chance that our actions will be judged as disingenuous by latter generations. The Holocaust and race motivated genocide are a few examples that show that laws and values are a function of the times. You cannot alienate people our of unbridled passion. I admire folks who can portray a very important message or talk about uncomfortable situations without being rude or inconsiderate. There is no all knowing all reliable people or data. It’s all about perception and good marketing. Keep that in mind before you rain down hate and the infamous “Did you even ask someone that knows before asserting your opinion?” retort. Fact is we are all married to our truths and unless we trust you, we won’t acknowledge that you’ve got a point. Forcing ideas on others never furthered a cause. Come from a place of relatability not from a stance of authoritarian power.

Adjust the strength of your resolve to the energy of the participating audience to earn the privilege of their time.

Exhausted, marginalized, second guessed people withdraw from the frontlines. Your charge turns them into angry, repressed and overlooked voices that will find creative ways to silence you. They retreat to their comfort zones negating change and the better opportunities and life they may bring. Censoring thoughts and emotions because they don’t agree with yours lead to unintended consequences rather than your desired outcome. Side effects include depression, social anxiety and a need to avoid conversations or others at all costs. Instead of garnering support you breed dissent. Be wise about how you approach others always opting to assume good intentions rather than going in guns blazing.

Listen to understand, not to rebuke, rebut or reply.

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